


So you brought the shovel

by orphan_account



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms
Genre: 5 and 1 things, Family, Gen, Modern AU, Multi, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-12
Updated: 2015-03-12
Packaged: 2018-03-17 12:19:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3529139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five times when Arya talked to Jon's partners, and that one time Jon returned the favour.</p>
            </blockquote>





	So you brought the shovel

**Author's Note:**

> I've wanted to write this a long long while, because come on, this is exactly how I imagine Arya acting in the face of Jon's girlfriends. Or boyfriends, for that matter.  
> And cue shovel talk.

**I.**

The first time, she catches Jon going out on a date, is when she's eleven, and not yet grown into herself. He's been blushing as red as a remembrance day poppy all week, and of course she's curious. 

She's not so sure as to why, though. 

So when a wild red head appears on their doorstep one friday evening, looking for "Jon Snow, 'cause he'd promised her an evening", she's a little surprised. What the hell does her sweet fool big brother want with a girl like that? 

A week later she sees them snogging on the way back from wherever they've been.

"So you like Jon." She catches Ygritte, at the music store she works at part time, the very next day. It's in a back alley in Wintertown, where she's not really supposed to go alone, but she'll do it for Jon.

Ygritte quirks her lips. "Aye, and what's that to you, shrimp?" she asks playfully.

Arya frowns. "I'm not a shrimp." "Aye you are."

She jumps off the stool she's been sitting on, and walks right into Ygritte's space.

"Hurt him, and I'll hurt you." she says.

 

**II.**

Jon sticks with Ygritte for two years, and surprisingly, Arya gets on well enough with her after that. Only times change, and Ygritte has to move all the way to the States "for good and all." They break off cordially, and Jon pretends not to mope. 

Anyway, he surprises her again, when he brings home a pretty blonde, with the same fiery streak as Ygritte. Her name is Val, and Arya wonders if it's going to last.

They'd met in university, and hit it right off. 

"Jon seems to like you." She corners Val that evening. She nods pleasantly.

"Are you guys serious?" Val laughs, she's obviously amused that a shrimpy thirteen year old is giving her a talk. "I guess so. He's a boy in a thousand."

"A million." snaps Arya. "He likes you, so break his heart, and I'll break your bones.

 

**III.**

Jon and Val part as very good friends in a few months. And Jon informs Arya to lay off on Val's bones.

Things are quiet in Jon's love life for a while, until he comes home one christmas, smiling like an idiot.

"Is there something you'd like to say Jon?" Dad asks, while mum stabs into the turkey viciously. 

Unfortunately for them, Robb beats Jon to the answer. "He's gay. And he's found a boyfriend." They all splutter.

Jon blushes, as he punches Robb. "I'm not gay, I'm bi. And I've just met a nice guy. I might just have a chance, you know... _If_ certain siblings don't scare them away as soon as they meet him."

"No promises." says Robb, and they all laugh.

But when Arya rides up, with Dad to see Jon and Robb, and sees a handsome young man exiting Jon's dorm room, she just can't help but follow him.

"So, you're Satin. Jon's boyfriend." He looks back, alarmed, only to smile when he sees the coltish little girl behind him. "You must be Arya," he grins. "Jon's warned me about you." "Good."

"I'm not going to hurt him, you know." "Oh yeah." "Yes." And he looks honest. Like Ygritte, and Val.

"Well if you do..." she contemplates before finishing it off. "I'll kill you. And don't think I won't."

 

**IV.**

It's been a few months since Jon and Satin broke up, though, as always, they still stayed friends. Jon was nearly twenty, and Arya had almost grown into her awkward teen body.

She's off Satin's back though, he's a bit nice, and she doesn't want to kill him, not really.

But when Jon's best friend fat Sam clatters into the house, looking for Robb, she knows there's going to be broken femurs. 

"He slept with Theon!" Sam wheezes. "I can't believe it! He slept with Theon Greyjoy!"

Bran coughs out the juice he's been drinking. "Say what?" 

"Theon, you know, Robb's best buddy?"

"The guy who sleeps with anything that has breasts? Didn't know he'd branched into cocks as well." Arya glares at her brother. 

"Is he serious?" 

Sam rolls his eyes. "He's  _Jon._ " "Right."

She nicks Robb's phone and sends Theon a message, asking him to come over. And then pushes Sam and Bran out, to have a walk.

"Hey, Robb. Dude!" Theon yells as he comes in. "Robb's not home."

"Well he just texted me." 

"He didn't. I did." 

"Eh?"

"You slept with Jon." "Oh, that. Shovel talk?" "Yup. Shovel talk."

She punches him. "That's for debauching my brother." She says. "There'll be more where that came from, if you're not serious."

 

**V.**

"He's dating  _WHO?"_ Sansa screeches over the phone. It's been a while since the Theon incident, and owing to what happened, Jon's been real quiet about his partners. So they'd enlisted Sansa to help them stalk his moves.

She slams the phone down, staring at Arya. "That," she says, unnecessarily. "was Marg. She says Jon's dating Daenerys Targaryen."

"Your arch rival?" "she's not my arch rival, I'm not James Bond, or Sherlock."

"And, you don't approve." "Of course I don't. She's a pyromaniac!" "Proof?"

"What?" "I asked for proof, that she's a pyromaniac." Sansa rolls her eyes. "You don't actually _approve_ do you?"

"Well any girl you dislike should be good for our Jon." Arya teases.

But she goes out to the college anyway, and asks for Daenerys Targaryen. Who turns out to be a completely gorgeous blonde with an attitude.

"Arya Stark," she says. "I'm Jon's sister."

"Oh. Nice to meet you. He talks about you a lot."

"Right. Then you should know I've been going to kick boxing since I was eight. And that I've got a black belt."

Daenerys looks surprised.

"I know you have a bone to pick with Sansa, which actually counts as a plus, but either way. I want you to know something."

"What?"

"If you hurt Jon in anyway...I didn't get that black belt for nothing." She smiles and leaves a stunned Targ in her wake.

 

**And the +I.**

"So, you're professor B's nephew." Gendry's a little nonplussed by his uncle's favourite student asking him, so very politely, for a strictly platonic coffee.

"Yeah." "And you play the bass guitar in Tobho Mott's heavy metal grunge band." "Yup."

"And you've also got a bike, that's more of a death trap, than a mode of transport." Gendry stares. Jon calmly stirs his coffee, looks up, and grins.

"Oh, don't worry. I'm not channeling Prof. Though it  _was_ prof who told me you'd gotten a girlfriend on that thing."

"He told you about my girl?" "Well, said girl  _is_ after all, my little sister."

Gendry facepalms. (Mentally, of course. He should be trying to impress Arya's brother, only that he seems to  be failing dramatically.)

Jon laughs at the look on his face. 

"Chill, I'm not going to eat you alive." "I'm not scared."

"Good."

They're quiet for a mo, and when Jon looks up, grinning cheekily.

"You know, my sister's got a thing for my partners. She gives them quite the impression first time they talk face to face." Gendry's mouth dries up. "Ah?" he manages to say, rather weakly. He can imagine what Arya's said to them.

"Consider this a returned favour to my sister." Jon says, nicely enough, but Gendry can see the glint in his dark grey eyes.

There's a lot unspoken, but between the words and the glint, Gendry can glean the implicit meaning behind it all.

If he hurts her, Jon's going to break his neck. And then, disembowel him. And stuff him and pop him in the trophy case.

He gulps, and nods.

Jon smiles again, but Gendry can't help thinking that he looks awfully like the wolves on their family crest.


End file.
